The Surprise of a Lifetime
In experiences of uncertainty, grief, and regret, sometimes the answers we seek in life come through in definite ways. Just after spring 2023 and after an agonizing period of grief that nearly shattered me, I received the surprise of a lifetime. I found out I was expecting my 3rd baby and a baby that I longed for again. Not long after receiving the news, I began to experience some miscarriage symptoms. I braced myself for the possibly of loss knowing I couldn't possibly handle another heartbreak.
I call my doctor and make an ultrasound appointment knowing that something was just off this time around. I lay alone on the ultrasound table prepared to hear the worst as the tech scans for a sac, a heartbeat, a sign of life. I wonder why my life spiraled in the way that it had. If I had just been stronger in my past. If only I had advocated for my wishes and my body in the ways that I learned how to now. The cold jelly spreads over my belly and the shock of the cold to my skin brings me back to the present moment. Without so much as a hesitation in her voice she says, "We have two healthy sacs." TWO?! Two. My eyes flood with tears because of course. Of course there would be two. God heard my prayer and saw the many tears I shed last year.
I received a second chance. We all did. We all got the sprinkle of hope we asked for. This pregnancy has certainly not been an easy ride unlike my others. Twin pregnancies are considered "high risk" so we're constantly reminded of the worst case scenarios. Despite the intense discomfort that comes from carrying and growing two, we've so far been blessed with health and I have tried to remain positive knowing how lucky I am. I was overseen by the high risk maternal fetal medicine team throughout and kept up with the many appointments required in a twin pregnancy. Growth scans, non-stress tests, more frequent check-ups, etc.
The day I found out the babies were girls, I was in total shock. I get to raise two little women in this world, 3 including my oldest daughter who is now 5. I have had such a trialing time being a woman in this world that I knew my biggest priority for them is to teach them confidence, self-respect, boundaries, and self-love. A woman's worth is so much deeper than those who define it.
When it came time to shoot our maternity photos, I wasn't sure I wanted to take them this time around. I decided to for the girls to have this keepsake. My body is a host to two beautiful little souls and I should admire the strength it took to grow them. I had a vision of shooting in a pink dress in the snow. A local photographer at Navy & Pearls Events (another mom-owned business) helped bring the vision to life.
Snow storms are a perfect representation of both the beautiful intensity and delicacy that is womanhood. It requires an unspoken strength to be a woman and there can be nothing more strong and intense than a storm. To carry the ability to cause destruction or soft admiration of its beauty indoors. The brittle cold of the snow reminds us that life comes in seasons. Just as there is winter in our life, there is soon to be spring. There will be bad, and difficult, and sadness, and pain, but there will also be beauty, joy, peace, and love. So I welcome the season of the woman and I know that womanhood will be all of these things.
After finding out that I was having twins, I called around to see if twins did run in my family. They do, but 5 generations back. 1919 was the last time twins were conceived in my family. My grandmother's mother's mother. Perhaps it is genetics, maybe it is my own little miracle. Whatever the reason, my family was given the chance to heal a heartbreak and come together in hope again. We made it through the storms. Suddenly snow falls look beautiful to me.
